Tomorrow I have what was meant to be my final PT eval. The "plan" set forth was for 13 weeks. They let me make appointments for 12 weeks worth of Tuesdays, I set it up with my sub. 3 appointments were missed, cancelled or altered by them and never made up. My schedule is just too tight for this weekday stuff and I had no options. So tomorrow I do this eval with the gal who did my intake appointment, but now I have the option (because of insurance approvals and the like) to do those few other appointments in the near future should I decide they will benefit me. I am not sure I will. I have a very full folder of excercises to do. I get to about 1/3 of them each day (doing the same ones 2-3 times thru the day, then I choose different ones the next day...sort of a rotating basis I just sorta wing it thru).
Some hurt...ALOT. Others I am more successful at and that makes me feel accomplished. That is key for me, sadly. I can say that since starting PT, I can move alot more. I can turn my head alot more. I have overall better range of motion. But I am in pain. Every. Single. Day.
I am not sure what the next part will be, but I will need to find a peace with this somehow, reclaim my body at some point, somehow. The willpower is just totally gone. I expend all of my energy working thru my pain. The future just might not be what I had hoped it would be. But I, of all people, know that can change in a breath. I will look to a positive outcome in some way!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
How to be successful?
Why, for me, does it seem so difficult? I have such good intentions, I have great resources, the gym is 3 miles away, I have a few handweights here at home and now some resistance bands (from my Physical Therapist). I know what my body can and should eat to be healthy and lose weight. But I can't seem to make it all work together in a sustained manner.
Add injury to this that I just seem to be learning to cope with the pain from and learning to have more range of motion with. There seems to be no end in sight with this. Surgery may be offered, but honestly, financially I can not afford the recovery time. It would mean several months off work, no income for me and would be the equivalent of starting my daycare over with new clients after 3 months off. Rock...hard place. In the meantime I am continuing the non-surgical (and non medication as well) options as best I can. I am told I can not lift weights yet, and the only cardio I can do is the treadmill, and only for about 10-15 minutes (swinging my arm hurts and causes inflamation inside where my neck injury is, which will hinder my progress, cause more pain, and back into the crazy version of the cycle I lvke each day)
I wonder what the difference with the diet part might be if I was left just to my own devices? If I could take an extended break from being responsible for the families dinners? While I enjoy sitting down with my family most nights so we connect a little, most times I am not hungry, yet I eat. I do not enjoy cooking. I could eat WAY more simple foods than they would like to have. And mentally, I feel like my lack of cooking skills and desire to "get it right" just dissapoints them. I am sure its internal, but its how I feel. So maybe if that pressure was off me and no longer my responsibility to feed them (I would shop from a list they make, no issues there), but if I made my own meals and ate when I wanted according to when I am hungry, then just sat with them and chatted at dinner time, would that work better for me? I sure wouldn't mind trying it for a few weeks to see.
Just more random thoughts......
Add injury to this that I just seem to be learning to cope with the pain from and learning to have more range of motion with. There seems to be no end in sight with this. Surgery may be offered, but honestly, financially I can not afford the recovery time. It would mean several months off work, no income for me and would be the equivalent of starting my daycare over with new clients after 3 months off. Rock...hard place. In the meantime I am continuing the non-surgical (and non medication as well) options as best I can. I am told I can not lift weights yet, and the only cardio I can do is the treadmill, and only for about 10-15 minutes (swinging my arm hurts and causes inflamation inside where my neck injury is, which will hinder my progress, cause more pain, and back into the crazy version of the cycle I lvke each day)
I wonder what the difference with the diet part might be if I was left just to my own devices? If I could take an extended break from being responsible for the families dinners? While I enjoy sitting down with my family most nights so we connect a little, most times I am not hungry, yet I eat. I do not enjoy cooking. I could eat WAY more simple foods than they would like to have. And mentally, I feel like my lack of cooking skills and desire to "get it right" just dissapoints them. I am sure its internal, but its how I feel. So maybe if that pressure was off me and no longer my responsibility to feed them (I would shop from a list they make, no issues there), but if I made my own meals and ate when I wanted according to when I am hungry, then just sat with them and chatted at dinner time, would that work better for me? I sure wouldn't mind trying it for a few weeks to see.
Just more random thoughts......
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